Cortnee

2007-07-31T06:46:00.000-07:00

It's true when they say there is always something, right? Well, pretty much both of our cars are broken, at least mine is and Nic's is on it's way. He tried fixing it yesterday because we got a new starter off of ebay. We thought that was the problem. Well, it wouldn't start after the starter got put in yesterday. So, who knows! We have to drive to Chicago this weekend so hopefully one of our cars will make it. I'm still praying about the passport! Hopefully it comes back in time.

So, I'm really excited for lunch today. I'm going to TGI Fridays with this girl who used to be my really really good friend. I haven't talked to her since Nic and I have been married because we kinda went our seperate ways. Well, her fiance got in a plane crash right before Thanksgiving of 2006 and died. It was AWFUL!! And she randomly texted me the other day and wanted to go out to lunch. So, I'm pretty stoked to talk to her. Hopefully I know the right words to say if her late fiance is brought up. He was a great guy and they were perfect for each other. They had just bought a house and things were going so great for them. It was one of those insanley tragic accidents that just breaks your heart.

It makes me appreciate all my time with Nic because you never know what may happen! Life is so fragile and short!

Nic and I are happy!!!!! I feel so good right now, we have our little tifts here and there but we actually resolve it maturely and move on. He is being so sweet and so lovey dovey! Which is what I like. haha. It's wonderful!

But, anyways, I better go work...blah....oh yea..and grab some java..haha

Peace&Love

2007-07-30T07:24:00.000-07:00

Just a couple days away!! Oh man when something can go wrong something will..

Guess what...my passport is in my maiden name!!!!! My parents called last night to inform me that my passport is in my maiden name and I would not be able to go on the trip unless I get if fixed. Okay, getting a passport in the first place is hard but getting one in 3 days. So, I have to go get new pictures, overnight my new pictures, marriage certificate and all these other forms. Have to get it to Washington D.C. before 10 AM tomorrow and then hopefully they can issue a new one and send it back by Friday! Please pray for me girls..I really need it. I can't go if I don't get this dang passport. I'm so so so glad that we didn't notice it at the airport! Then I would have been up a creek with no paddle..for sure.

Other than that life is good. We went and looked at a house last night. We really want to buy a house but we are taking it slow trying to find out the right one and where we want to live. We really like this small town about a half hour away. But, the problem is..it's a half hour away. All our work and school is that far away and with gas prices and what not it would be tough on us. So, we are trying to find the perfect fit for us. There are a lot of other towns that are cute and small that are not so far away. We just really want to get out of the big city.

Nic and I had a great weekend! We just hung out and didn't do much.

Welp, I guess there's not much else..but please keep my passport in your prayers. I hope you ladies all have a wonderful week!

Peace&Love

2007-07-26T07:52:00.000-07:00

Thirteen Things about YOUR NAME1…. Start your list here!
Links to other Thursday Thirteens!1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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Okay, I will follow suit with Michelle, but I never watch cartoons so I'll go with TV shows...

1. King of Queens (Nic and I watch it together everynight! Our fav show)
2. Wife Swap
3. Grey's Anatomy
4. Numbers (LOVE this show!!)
5. Extreme Makeover
6. Extreme Makeover Home Edition
7. Farmers Almanac
8. Conan O'Brien
9. Sex and the City
10. Scrubs
11. That 70's Show
12. Cops
13. Super Nanny

2007-07-25T08:20:00.000-07:00

thank you guys for your support in my little life issues. I appreciate it all so much!!

Nic and I are doing alright. He went to Chicago yesterday and comes back today, so it was the first night I had without him since we were married. It was sad, but it felt nice to have some breathing room. He is being such a sweetheart now, but who knows how long it will last. I try and keep my head up and not be an insecure, jealous, baby!! haha. Because, we all know how un attratctive that is.

But, the kink in the already kinked up chain is my parents. They were expecting us to go to counseling and we haven't even had a chance. So, they send us an email telling us that they are deeply dissapointed in us for not going to the meeting yet. And that we need to put our marriage first before any other things i.e. work, school. I was really hurt by their email because it was pretty bitter and uncalled for. At least I thought so. I called them when I was down and asked for their advice. But, come on, I'm an adult here and you don't need to slap my wrist because I didn't go to counseling the day YOU wanted me to. I never said we are not going. We just don't have time. They cannot grasp that. It bugs the crap out of me. Seriously, they have complete job flexibility whereas Nic and I can't tell our bosses when we can work, they tell us. Just like almost everyone else in America!

So, I'm hurt by my parents, but Nic and I are doing a little better. Which is always good! I just pray pray and pray that it stays that way!

I feel like my relationship with God is so lax. It's such a hard thing sometimes to keep your head towards Him when everything is so confusing and falling apart. It's so much easier to slip and do the wrong thing. Why can't the right way be easy! Why does life have to be such a struggle sometimes!

I'm freaking out about our trip. We leave in 9 days! Oh man 9 days! That's like nothing, and I feel so unprepared and scared and nervous and anxious and I have no idea what to expect. It's going to be such an amazing trip, but the closer it gets, the more reality sets in. My life has been a rollarcoaster since we have decided to take this trip, and I just hope that I am emotionally ready to be there in 9 days. I can't counsel kids if I need help myself! So, pray that I can get my heart straightened out in this short amount of time.

But, I can't to so downtrodden all the time, so the sun is shining and I go to lunch in an hour and a half so hey!

Peace&Love

2007-07-23T08:17:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm not sure where to begin. I think Nic is depressed or going through some kind of inner battle that I'm not invited to. We had a good night Friday and Saturday. Friday night he apologized for being so rude and we went and saw the Chuck and Larry movie. HILARIOUS by the way. But, it was so cute, I'm being a total girl here, but we laughed so hard through the whole movie and he kept laughing and putting his head on my shoulder. It was such a good time. Then Saturday was a good day. But, Sunday, well Sunday he went back to being grumpy and unattached and wanting to be left alone.

My car broke on Friday so we are carpooling too right now. So, once again this morning I was told to leave him alone. He has a calculus final today so I know he is stressed about that. But, come on man seriously. I just don't get it. And I don't know what I should do.

He is leaving tomorrow to go to Chicago for a day or so. His best friend from college is getting sent into the war and he wants to say goodbye. Chicago is about 5 hours away from us. I am kinda glad that he is going but than at the same time worried ya know. He is so not into "us" right now. It's horrible, and I'm miserable.

I tell myself that I am not going to let him bring me down. I am an incredibly cheery person. But, we are one flesh now, and how he acts affects the way I feel. I know this. And it sucks.

He plays poker online all the time, and just kinda looks dead in the eyes.

Please give me some advice on what to do. We were going to see a counselor but he keeps coming up with reasons not to go. He has to work, he is going to see his friend.....

I'm at a loss. I just want my wonderful, loving, sweetheart husband back. And I seriously don't know what to do. Than doubtful thoughts pop up in my mind, like does he even love me anymore? Which, would destroy me. I adore this man. And I just feel like he doesn't want to try.

Should I grant his wish and just leave him alone and give him space?? See if whatever is going on with him works itself out?? I don't know.

I just want to be at peace and be happy. I want a loving relationship with my knight in shining armor. But, how do I do it?? How do I win back this man who holds my heart?

Gosh, I'm such a pity case today. Sorry ladies but I just don't know what to do.

Thanks for listening!

Peace&Love

2007-07-20T10:21:00.001-07:00

Nothing has changed. Nothing has gotten better. We sat outside the courthouse yesterday teetering on the edge of signing divorce papers. He doesn't want to put out the effort because he says there is no effort to give. I can't blame everything on him though. It takes two to sabatoge a relationship in this sort of way. I made an appointment to see a biblical counselor tomorrow. I hope he agrees to go with me. Please pray for us. We need it.

Peace&Love

2007-07-17T12:28:00.000-07:00

Today is my birthday and I was sooo spoiled last night!! But, today well, today is a different story. Sometimes I wonder about this husband of mine. Sometimes I don't understand why he can say the most hurtful things and than come back 20 minutes later and aplogize. Well, when is the change going to be visible!! So, I have decided to let go more. I'm tired of him being hurtful, so I am letting the grip go and we will see how things go from there. My heart can't take hurt from this man anymore. We love each other but we are in a rut! A serious rut! I think he is depressed, he sleeps A LOT. And I know that's a big sign. He is so stressed out all the time. He is so busy all the time. I hardly ever see him! My birth DAY sucks!

But, last night was alright. He got me a new down comforter, a human anatomy book for me going back to school, Some body cream for after the shower or bath and it smells SO GOOD, 2 necklaces, scrabble, rollarblades, a new coffee mug and a new fossil bag. No joke, I have never got so many presents on my birthday before! he was so sweet!

Life is hard. Life sucks sometimes. It's hard to keep the positive attitude constantly when you don't know where you are going. I feel like I let him down sometimes. And it kills me that I do. But, I'm not perfect ya know. No one is....

I love this man so much but why does it seem my life is consumed with trying to make us work. Why can't we just work and let the rest of life consume us?? Why can't we enjoy life.

I'm petrified of bringing a child into this world right now. But, I want a baby so bad. It sucks. Why can't things be good?? Give me some advice girls? What do you do to make things work. I really need some advice. My heart or his can't take the drama anymore!

Man, it sucks that I have to vent on my birthday. But, it's just another day.

Peace&Love

2007-07-13T07:13:00.001-07:00

Friday Feast!

( I thought this was way fun, so I took it from Michelle! Thanks girl!)

Appetizer: What is your favorite fruit?

I would have to say either watermelon or kiwi or strawberry. I guess not or, I love them all!

Soup: Who is someone you consider as a great role model?

I would consider my mother to be a great role model. She has been through a lot of hard trials in her life before she was married to my dad. My dad has drug her through some hard times with his job and other things he has done. And she still is the sweetest lady ever and will drop everything to take care of anyone. She is a counselor for girls who have had abortions, and teaches a womens bible ministry in Russia whenever she goes out there. She is so strong and such a wonderful woman!

Salad: If you were to spend one night anywhere within an hour of your home, where would you choose?

I would go camping out on this lake that's about 20 minutes away. I love being outdoors and I love camping. And it's a gorgeous lake, man made, but gorgeous. Do some boating or tubing or anything out in the water, than have a rockin bonfire that night, make some smores of course!

Main Course: Name something you do too often.

I really really hate to admit this, but in my head I judge people and I gossip WAY too much at work. After I feel like crap because I had nothing positive to say about someone. It irks me so much that I can't just let go of my judgemental attitude. I'm trying!!

Dessert: Fill in the blank: I really like ___________ because ____________.

I really like orange soy mocha's in the morning because they brighten my day!!

Hope you guys all have a great weekend and enjoy every minute of it!!

TGIF!!

Peace&Love

2007-07-12T06:10:00.000-07:00

What a beautiful morning! The weather is gorgeous and a wasp flys out of my car at me when I get in to go to work. haha. I almost had a heart attack. Mabye I need to stop keeping my windows rolled down.

Nic's first day of managing went alright. He didn't get home until midnight and I know this will be an every night thing. So, it's going to be a lonely month : ( But, it will be alright, I have my bible study tonight, and I have the pool!!

He is feeling much better. After sleeping most of the day yesterday before he went to work he felt better. But, this morning his mouth is pretty sore. Class is cancelled and doesn't go to work until later, so maybe a full day of rest will help. I think is was the medicine that was making him sick, and I don't think he has taken any lately, and the throwing up has stopped. My mom said the same thing Michelle, that she hasnt' heard of anybody getting sick over the surgery.

Sometimes we forget how lucky we are. We have wonderful lives, happy lives and mostly fulfilling lives. I look around at the people I see coming into the bank that cry in my office because of bad things people have done to hurt them and steal their money and I thank God that my life hasn't led me down a path of destruction. He will never give us more than we can handle, if we trust in Him! So, thank God today for all you have!!! We are so blessed!!

Question for Michelle and Lisa - How do you invite people to your blog?? I am trying to add some of the other girls from the nest but can't view their blog and I'm not sure how to add them? Do I need their email?? Anyways, thanks!

Michelle - How did your gma's surgery go? How is she doing? She is my prayers!!

You beautiful ladies have a beautiful day!!!

Peace&Love

2007-07-11T06:47:00.000-07:00

First read my verse of the day today! It was really encouraging to me and I hope it can be for you too. I needed it today.

Nic is not doing so hot today. He slept pretty much the whole time after I got home until we went to bed. He was passed out on my lap until he gave me an early birthday present...SCRABBLE!!! I love scrabble, I was so excited. But, then I accidently knocked the board since we were playing on the couch and Nic got pissed. He has been so grumpy!!!! It's hard for me to be nice because I know he is sick and in pain. But, he can be so mean and it sucks. He apologizes but then 5 minutes later is mean again. So, that's why that verse helped me this morning. I need to just keep my head up because I know he doesn't mean what he says, he just doesn't feel good and sometimes I can be absentminded.

Anyways, vent over, but I wake up at 6 this morning and he is in the shower and throwing up. : ( I made him some oatmeal..threw it up...he got baby food yesterday so he tried that...threw it up...gatorade..threw it up. So, I think I am going to take Michelle advice and get some slurpies or something. I feel so bad for the guy. He has been throwing up all morning. I don't know if it's the medicine they gave him or what. But, he is not going to school today although he works at 2 this afternoon. Hopefully he feels a little better if he can get most of a days sleep in. We will see. Any advice though let me know ( on how to take care of him). I'm still getting used to this wife thing. haha.

If you could keep me great grandma in your prayers. She is 92 I believe and not doing so well. She has lost control of her bowels ( I'm sorry this post is so graphic!), and she fell last week and hurt her back pretty bad and all she did was sleep for a few days after that. She is taking this medicine that keeps her blood level up. If it weren't for that she would have been gone a few years ago. She is living with my grandparents but they are getting older too and are having a hard time taking care of her. My grandma actually quit her job yesterday (on her birthday) because she wants to be there is something happens to Dixie. So, please keep her in your prayers. Also, my other great grandma is having TIA I think is what they are called but they are mini strokes that could turn into a big one, and she lives by herself, with only my cousins checking in on her everyday. So, pray for her too!

Have a beautiful day!

Peace&Love

2007-07-10T14:34:00.000-07:00

Poor Nic! He got his wisdom teeth taken out today and they are bleeding and he can't talk. I haven't seen him since he had the surgery, but he texted me and said it went well, he didn't feel anything and he already feels better. His teeth were giving him a lot of problems and making him sick. But, they are finally out and I hope this gives him some renewed energy. The poor guy needs it. He is so busy with work and school.

He starts mananging at the restaurant he works at for a month. I am kinda bummed because he will be getting home later then usual, which means I will see him less. I'm really not sure why he even accepted the offer, maybe he just wanted a change of pace. But, it's only for a month and I keep telling myself that.

Anyways, off to take care of my poor hubby...

Peace&Love

2007-07-10T06:35:00.000-07:00

Good times...Anna, Aunt Kelli, Me and Brian...

Pinkies up!!

Mom and Anna on the 5 hour car ride down to see me for only 2 hours..they are the best!

Me and my mom..aawww...

Brian and Dad being the deep thinkers that they are...ha..

Brian, Me and Anna...chilling at starbucks.

Me and my awesome sister Anna..she is the coolest 12 year old of all time!

Mom and Dad...so cute...almost have been married 23 years..How awesome is that!

2007-07-09T10:14:00.000-07:00

New Vacuumm!!! I'm so stoked. We spent $ 130 so it better last a while though. Our old vaccum crapped out on us, and I don't think it has been working well for a while, so we got a new one. Oh man! I am in vacuum heaven, I tell ya what. It works amazingly (is that a word??) haha.

Sundays, wow, I love my Sundays (after I get off work of course). Nic and I actually get to hang out. We went and got our vaccuum (I think I spell vaccuum different everytime I type it. oh boy ), then came home and since we were living it up in vaccuum heaven, we "summer" cleaned our place. Then went to the pool!! Which is very exciting because it's like pulling teeth to get my dear hubby out there. But, no one else was there so it was okay. So, we drank some wine, brought out our radio and put on some coldplay and just relaxed. It was awesome! Then we went out to dinner at PF Changs. Like one of my fav places to go. It was delicious!

I love Sundays!! haha. I think it's the only thing that can get me through the week. Nic got me the cutest bamboo plant to put in my office so I am pretty stoked about that too.

Life is good, and I feel like I am breathing fresh air. It's so exciting! The sun is shining and work is busy so the day goes by fast!

Nic gets his wisdom teeth pulled tomorrow. Poor guy!! But, it will be worth it. They have been making him sick, so we hope this will take away his issues.

Thanks Lisa for your comment! So sweet! Life is short. You are so right, so you have to make the best of the present. Sometimes, I tend to live in the past and think about things that I could have done differently, so I am trying to reprogram my brain. It's fun!!

Have a beautiful day!!

Peace&Love

2007-07-08T12:30:00.000-07:00

Can this day go any sllloooweerrr!! Man, I can't wait to get off and go home and relax. It's hard on someone working 6 sometimes 7 days a week. I just want a weekend!!! A weekend to hang out the whole time with Nic. I cannot wait until our trip. Only 26 days.

It's so hot here but I love it. I think about all the people out west with the heat waves, and I feel for them. Even my 95 degree whether can be pretty brutal.

Nic and I were watching some political shows this morning, and there was this guy named Mike Gavel I believe. And he is running for president. Well, he has my vote! And then I got to thinking, it seems like the 3rd party runners never get enough credit. It's always the big names, the big dogs that we always hear about. And then, most of the time, whoever gets voted in craps out on us anyways. I can't believe how crazy this whole election deal is and it's still over a year away before we get a new president. So, many opinions, and so many options. How can you really trust someone to run the country. You don't know what they are going to do until they get into office. I think a lot of the runners are all sugar coated but once they get in we will see their true colors. 2008 election is going to be a big one, and the rest of the world will be watching. Are we going to have our first female president (which personally I think would be a HUGE mistake) or are we going to have our first African American president (who is a Muslim, hhmmmm), or are we going to have someone who is obsessed with money and fame (most of the other runners) or are we going to have a no name person who really cares??? I'm anxious to see, but scared at the same time. Sometimes, I don't even want to vote, but then it's like I know my vote counts for something, and whoever ends up being our new president will affect my way of life. I know I'm rambling, but it's something to think about.

So, my birthday is in 9 days. I am going to be 22. Oh man, I feel so much older than that. It's wierd how fast you can grow up in the span of a couple years. I look back and think about how my life was when I was 18, and it was completely different.

I really want to lost 10 pounds, but it's so dang hard. I know I can go the easy way and take diet pills or just not eat. But, it's the wrong way. I have been the diet pill route before and it's no good. Messes you up pretty bad. I just want to be back to where I was when Nic and I first met. But, it's so hard to not eat the crap. haha.

I was talking to one of my friends yesterday, and she is going through a "seperation" from her husband right now (they have been together 10 years) and she was saying how guys ask her for her phone number now and call her hottie (haha) and whatnot. And she was saying how she has never been on her own for as long as she an remember, and now she is finding out the real girl inside. So, it got me thinking. I have consistently dated someone since the 8th grade. Wow. It sounds bad when I read it. But, that's the truth. My parent used to tell me that I need to be single so I can find myself, and man I wish I had taken their advice. I try to hard to please people. I feel like I act a certain way around certain people. I really don't know the real Cortnee inside. I don't know who I am. I hold on to Nic too tight and let him define who I am. I really need to stand up and be an individual. Not someone who is defined by another. In bible study last week, the lady was talking about how we hold things too tightly, and it hurts us, because we get too close. If we don't let go, God will pry these things/people from our hands and it will hurt more. We need to focus on God and the good will come. I think she was right. And what I hold on too tightly to is Nic. And I do get hurt. I see it. He is such an independent person, and I am not. It's hard not to communicate during the day. But, if I don't we get along so much better at night.

So, here I go on my quest to becoming the person God intended for me to be. Keep my accountable girls and give me encouragement because I really am at a loss. I mean, how do you begin finding who you really are when you don't even know where to start. They say the 20's are the time where you grow up and find out who you are. Well, 9 days before my 22nd birthday I'm off!!

Peace&Love

2007-07-07T07:12:00.000-07:00

Saturdays are just not the same. When I was a kid the whole family hung out and relaxed. Well, now that I am a "grown up". haha. It's just not the same. For example, at am at work right now and Nic works ALL day. He had to be in at 9 and probably won't get home until like 9 or later. Thus leaving me all day by myself. It sucks because I used to love Saturdays and now I completely dred (sp?) them. I keep telling myself that it's not forever ya know, he is going to school for teaching so he will have the weekends off. Anyways, I have to find out what I am going to do today. Unfortunately, our vacuumm broke and I need to get a new one. That sucks!! We just got our vacuum. Granted, we didn't spend a lot on it, so you can't expect to get a lot out of it. So, if you have any vacuum recs let me know. haha.

We have 27 days before we go on our trip! I am so stoked to go, but we are a little nervous about not being able to raise enough money. If we dont' get enough we will have to pay for the rest out of pocket. Which is okay, but we will struggle after that. Also, I am still waiting for Nic's passport. I really hope it gets here in time. pray for us!! I called the agency and they wouldn't tell me much since I am not him, but if we don't get it exactly 14 days before the trip we can call back and I guess they will make it top priority. But, geez, we have been waiting months already. I hear they are pretty backed up, so I understand. Luckily, I already had mine.

I should get some work done so I gotta run. Have a beautiful weekend!!!

Peace&Love

So glad it's Friday.

2007-07-06T06:19:00.000-07:00

Oh man, I am so beat today. I could hardly get out of bed. Just one of those days, Nic and I played Frisbee last night late and it wore me out. haha. He gets way into it, so I have to try hard. Boys I tell ya!

Last night at bible study there was this lady who had lost her Mom and Grandma six months ago, about 5 weeks apart. She was crying and I felt so bad for her. I didn't know what to say. And then when it was over everyone was hugging her, and I didn't know what to say or do. This is only my 2nd week and I don't really know anybody there. Actually I don't know anyone there at all. But, then I thought about it, and I am really bad with stuff like that. When someone cries I don't know what to say or do. And then I feel like I come off as some heartless person, which I am not. So, I guess I just need to step up and not be afraid of what people think. And who doesn't like someone caring about them. I mean, geez, I cry at sappy commercials, so I know I have that sensitive side in me somewhere. haha.

I'm ssoooo going home and taking a nap after work. Only 7.5 hours to go. whoo hoo!!!

Well, have a wonderful weekend!

And thanks Lisa and Michelle for commenting. I'm glad to be back, and it means a lot that you still thought to send me an email and check up on me. You guys rock!

Lisa - My email is love_and_death717@hotmail.com. I have no idea on how to do the friends thing so you will have to tell me.

Peace&Love....

Well I'm back!

2007-07-05T08:45:00.000-07:00

Haven't had a blog in FOREVER!! But, what better time than now. My 4th was amazing! We had such a good day. Good times with BBQ and Frisbee and Beer and Friends. My fam is coming down today. Driving 5 hours to see me for 2. How sweet is that! My Aunt is out from California and I haven't seen her in a long time, so they decided to come down. It's always nice to see the family.

I just started going to this bible study last week and I really like it. I felt like I needed to get more involved in church. Seeing that in 29 days we are going to Ukraine to counsel orphan kids at their summer camp. Nic is getting baptised too in the Black Sea. This trip is going to be so amazing. I can hardly wait!!! I even put a countdown on my myspace. Ha. I'm a dork.