Today is my birthday and I was sooo spoiled last night!! But, today well, today is a different story. Sometimes I wonder about this husband of mine. Sometimes I don't understand why he can say the most hurtful things and than come back 20 minutes later and aplogize. Well, when is the change going to be visible!! So, I have decided to let go more. I'm tired of him being hurtful, so I am letting the grip go and we will see how things go from there. My heart can't take hurt from this man anymore. We love each other but we are in a rut! A serious rut! I think he is depressed, he sleeps A LOT. And I know that's a big sign. He is so stressed out all the time. He is so busy all the time. I hardly ever see him! My birth DAY sucks!
But, last night was alright. He got me a new down comforter, a human anatomy book for me going back to school, Some body cream for after the shower or bath and it smells SO GOOD, 2 necklaces, scrabble, rollarblades, a new coffee mug and a new fossil bag. No joke, I have never got so many presents on my birthday before! he was so sweet!
Life is hard. Life sucks sometimes. It's hard to keep the positive attitude constantly when you don't know where you are going. I feel like I let him down sometimes. And it kills me that I do. But, I'm not perfect ya know. No one is....
I love this man so much but why does it seem my life is consumed with trying to make us work. Why can't we just work and let the rest of life consume us?? Why can't we enjoy life.
I'm petrified of bringing a child into this world right now. But, I want a baby so bad. It sucks. Why can't things be good?? Give me some advice girls? What do you do to make things work. I really need some advice. My heart or his can't take the drama anymore!
Man, it sucks that I have to vent on my birthday. But, it's just another day.
Peace&Love
I am my beloved, and my beloved is mine...
So in love!
2 comments:
I'm sorry that things are not going so well. Have you two talked about ways you can BOTH work on the relationship? It seems that you are doing a lot of work, but from what you say, (and this may not be the case, it is just what I am inferring) he isn't working so hard on it. My other suggestion is to see a counselor. I know some people are not very open to that suggestion, so you guys have to do what you are comfortable doing! Also, if he is depressed, he definitely needs to take care of himself and get some help. That could be the root of some bigger problems. Good luck girl. I know that it is hard work, but you guys can make it!
First of all...Happy Belated Birthday!! I'm sorry that I was absent from the blogs and missed it. I hope it turned out to be a better day after your post.
About the marriage ~ I dunno. Marriage is a roller coaster of emotions and believe me...it's not easy at all. It's not for me either. I am in a similar situation right now and have been for a few years. Just now I've gotten my DH to open up (a little) and tell me what's going on. He seemed depressed too and we just weren't very close during that time. It took me (and I am by no means suggesting that you behave this way) screaming and basically telling him that I was done. I was exhausted trying to make this work and I wasn't going to try any more. I was done, and I had had enough. He then opened up to me, probably out of fear. NOT the best way to handle the situation...but hey, it worked. His problems stemmed from a comment that my mother made! Can you believe that? Men are weird, aren't they?
As far as Nic...I am assuming that he says things that hurt your feelings alot. Hopefully he isn't nasty and cuss you out...I wouldn't stand for that. But, he obviously loves you Cortnee...look at all the stuff that you got for your birthday!!! Could it be that he's got too much on his plate right now? I know when you were on the Nest it didn't seem like he was working, just going to school. Am I right? Management is rough, I've been there. If he's working at a restaurant though it can be worse. Does he tell you about work and what goes on there? Do you ask him? Maybe he just needs to vent and since he's not (assuming?) then maybe it comes out in other forms...sleeping all the time, or being hurtful towards you? I'm just speculating, I'm by no means an expert! I'm not sure what to suggest, other than talk to him. That's the best thing that you can do. Have you discussed with him how his comments make you feel? Have him put himself in your shoes and you put yourself in his...see where that goes. You both sound extremely busy (especially if you're about to go back to school). Maybe it's nothing more than stress. They say the first 7 years of a marriage are the hardest ever. Hang in there. I've only made it through 5...it's not always fun and games. If you need to talk privately my email is on my profile. I'll be thinking about you guys!!
Try and have a good weekend.
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