Can this day go any sllloooweerrr!! Man, I can't wait to get off and go home and relax. It's hard on someone working 6 sometimes 7 days a week. I just want a weekend!!! A weekend to hang out the whole time with Nic. I cannot wait until our trip. Only 26 days.

It's so hot here but I love it. I think about all the people out west with the heat waves, and I feel for them. Even my 95 degree whether can be pretty brutal.

Nic and I were watching some political shows this morning, and there was this guy named Mike Gavel I believe. And he is running for president. Well, he has my vote! And then I got to thinking, it seems like the 3rd party runners never get enough credit. It's always the big names, the big dogs that we always hear about. And then, most of the time, whoever gets voted in craps out on us anyways. I can't believe how crazy this whole election deal is and it's still over a year away before we get a new president. So, many opinions, and so many options. How can you really trust someone to run the country. You don't know what they are going to do until they get into office. I think a lot of the runners are all sugar coated but once they get in we will see their true colors. 2008 election is going to be a big one, and the rest of the world will be watching. Are we going to have our first female president (which personally I think would be a HUGE mistake) or are we going to have our first African American president (who is a Muslim, hhmmmm), or are we going to have someone who is obsessed with money and fame (most of the other runners) or are we going to have a no name person who really cares??? I'm anxious to see, but scared at the same time. Sometimes, I don't even want to vote, but then it's like I know my vote counts for something, and whoever ends up being our new president will affect my way of life. I know I'm rambling, but it's something to think about.

So, my birthday is in 9 days. I am going to be 22. Oh man, I feel so much older than that. It's wierd how fast you can grow up in the span of a couple years. I look back and think about how my life was when I was 18, and it was completely different.

I really want to lost 10 pounds, but it's so dang hard. I know I can go the easy way and take diet pills or just not eat. But, it's the wrong way. I have been the diet pill route before and it's no good. Messes you up pretty bad. I just want to be back to where I was when Nic and I first met. But, it's so hard to not eat the crap. haha.

I was talking to one of my friends yesterday, and she is going through a "seperation" from her husband right now (they have been together 10 years) and she was saying how guys ask her for her phone number now and call her hottie (haha) and whatnot. And she was saying how she has never been on her own for as long as she an remember, and now she is finding out the real girl inside. So, it got me thinking. I have consistently dated someone since the 8th grade. Wow. It sounds bad when I read it. But, that's the truth. My parent used to tell me that I need to be single so I can find myself, and man I wish I had taken their advice. I try to hard to please people. I feel like I act a certain way around certain people. I really don't know the real Cortnee inside. I don't know who I am. I hold on to Nic too tight and let him define who I am. I really need to stand up and be an individual. Not someone who is defined by another. In bible study last week, the lady was talking about how we hold things too tightly, and it hurts us, because we get too close. If we don't let go, God will pry these things/people from our hands and it will hurt more. We need to focus on God and the good will come. I think she was right. And what I hold on too tightly to is Nic. And I do get hurt. I see it. He is such an independent person, and I am not. It's hard not to communicate during the day. But, if I don't we get along so much better at night.

So, here I go on my quest to becoming the person God intended for me to be. Keep my accountable girls and give me encouragement because I really am at a loss. I mean, how do you begin finding who you really are when you don't even know where to start. They say the 20's are the time where you grow up and find out who you are. Well, 9 days before my 22nd birthday I'm off!!

Peace&Love